I feel lucky. I am brave enough to feel. I feel my emotions with every ounce of my being. I acknowledge my sadness or stress or my feeling of being lost. Completely lost. I get lonely. I get scared. Sometimes I just can’t see how things will resolve themselves. How will we make enough money? Will we be good parents? How much will our lives change? Can we still live the life that we love and enjoy?
Feelings of guilt fill my head as I have these thoughts. Aren’t pregnant people supposed to be nothing but happy and excited? I am those things but I feel more. I feel it all. The whole spectrum of my emotions.
It always seems to come back to expectations. Comparing events in my life to the way that I thought they would happen. Did I ever think that I would be pregnant and be on the other side of the world? No. Did i ‘plan’ to be married and have a house by the time i had kids? Yes. I have to let go. Let it all go.
Everything in my life is different and constantly changing. Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined the past few years of my life. Taking a huge leap of faith and traveling the world with a man I barely knew. Falling insanely in love so fast and so hard and never once looking back. The best things I’ve ever done have not been planned. They have been shots in the dark, taking the leap without seeing the net, and above all listening to the most important influence we have. LOVE. Our intuition. The deep knowing that what you are doing right now is right. No matter how much your head is spinning out of control, your heart is somehow calm. It tells you that YOU ARE HERE. You are alive. and Everything. is. okay.