This week, I have been a bit of a crazy person. Before pregnancy, I rarely got angry, was pretty level-headed and wouldn’t cry over trivial things. But this week I have cried over the silliest things (which at the time, seem like big things).
Yesterday, I went for a beautiful walk on the beach, and morning swim in the ocean, while Tom and two of our friends went out for a surf. When I got out of the water, I just started bawling. Like uncontrollably crying on the beach. Tom came out of the water a few minutes later, and was so confused why I was so upset. I just kept saying “I just want to go surfing. You get to do all the fun stuff and I can’t do anything!”. I could tell he wanted to laugh a little but somehow didn’t. He calmed me down and when we got home I started bawling again! Still about wanting to go surfing! Writing this now, it’s making me laugh, but I do understand a bit of what I was thinking.
Pregnancy is a big adjustment. I have never been a person to sit on the sidelines while everyone else is doing fun or adventurous activities. I want to surf and hike and jump off the bridge into the river. It’s hard now to have to think twice about things that I would never have hesitated to do in the past.
Tom always reminds me that maybe I have to stop a few activities for 9 months but I get to grow a human! I am growing a human being! A whole universe of energy and connections are happening inside of me at this very moment. It’s almost unfathomable. I am creating life. I am creating the future.
Sometimes in the midst of our wild and crazy emotional outbursts, we can’t see a different perspective. All I could feel were the selfish thoughts of wanting to go surfing, yet I didn’t realize the magic happening inside of me at that same moment. The reason I can’t do those activities is because of something huge and amazing. Something that not everyone gets to experience, something that people try all their lives to feel, and I was taking it for granted.
Yes, I will probably have many more crazy emotional snaps before this pregnancy is over. Yes, at the time, I will be completely irrational. And Yes, I will not be able to see this perspective until after I have calmed down. But it’s all a part of this experience.
This amazing, soul-evolving, incomprehensible-love-producing, magically-beautiful process of creating a new LIFE. And I wouldn’t trade it for anything.